Taco Bell’s breakfast menu is sweeping the nation - but that doesn’t mean you need to get caught getting swept! Here’s how to hide waffle taco … you know, before you totally eat the shit out of it.
1. Purse. Purses are the cutest way to conceal your mutant-level craving for waffle taco. Extra points if you can find some protective paper to wrap it in. No need to bring Coach or Kors into this, ladies.
2. Books. Carrying books is a smart and efficient way to hide waffle taco. Cut a hole into your favorite stack of books-to-carry, and place that sucker right in there. Be sure to close the cover, though, so that you don’t get tempted to publicly rip those eggs into tooth sludge. Also: write down “marketing book-holes”
3. Dog. It’s already trendy to have a dog, so make your dog work for you by using her to hide waffle taco. Just remember to handle your dog gingerly when you finally reach the privacy of your home, grab what’s yours, and destroy that sausage like it ravaged a town of orphans. Mmm. Orphans.
4. Harem pants. You’ve still got ‘em, so flaunt ‘em! The harem style is making a comeback in a big way, and you need to monopolize on it by oh my god it’s making your legs smell good just please don’t eat your legs. Also, TWO WAFFLE TACO?
5. Updo. So you’re winning your first Emmy or Thing For Inventing Book-Holes and of course your dress doesn’t have pockets and you’re way too dignified to carry a clutch, which is essentially the purse version of waffle taco — but aha! Your hair is a perfect container! Not only are you being practical, but you look chic doing it! Now all we gotta do is get you the FUCK off this red carpet and into a bathroom or dumpster so you can just finally tear into waffle taco so goddamned hard. And still please don’t eat your legs.