January 2010
71 posts
alexandra-ewing asked: What is the only movie to feature both Bill Murray and Bugs Bunny?
I’ve just gotten savvy to this “ask” feature. Hoorah!
Aside: If the internet was MTV, I think I’d be TV Land. Or those Colonial Penn insurance ads.
I don’t like when people use the word “sure” instead of “yes.”
Ex 1:
“Do you know Jean-Paul?”
“Sure.”
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KIND OF FADED BUT I FEEL ALRIGHT
Songs with awesome intros:
1) Foreplay/Long Time, Boston
2) Ms. Jackson, Outkast
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Jokes can travel across state borders.
Me: Yeah, I don't say "menstruate" very often.
Roommate: Me either. I say "I'm having a period." On dates.
IF YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK:
Go to Butter Lane bakery, and say you heard about it from the Cupcake Gang. You’ll get TWO FOR ONE CUPCAKES.
TWO FOR ONE CUPCAKES.
TWO FOR ONE CUPCAKES.
Whichever cupcake blog in the city gets the most mentions by the end of the month gets a free dozen cupcakes.
Appetize.
Mobilize.
Devour.
It’s a full-on pastry-themed blog war, everyone. And we’re in it to win it.
LE DOU-CHARADE
(trying to return erasable colored pencil)
Me: Can I return or exchange this? It doesn't work.
Cashier: Let me get the manager.
...
Manager (doesn't notice me): Did she sharpen it?! If she sharpened she can't return it.
Me: But I had to test it --
Manager: If you sharpened it you can't return it!
Me: But it doesn't erase.
Manager: Use a Pink Pearl eraser. You need it for school, anyway.
Me: I've tried other erasers, it doesn't work --
Manager: You have a Pink Pearl?
Me: No.
Manager: Well I'm sure one of your friends does.
(leaves)
Student: Okay, well now I know what you were looking for.
My Professor: What? Don't just try to please me. I'm full of shit.
(on video Homer made for Lisa at the mall)
Video Lisa: Howdy partners, my name is Sheriff ... (Homer's voice:) "Lisa Simpson." I sure am hungry for my favorite food ... "McNuggets."
Lisa: I don't like McNuggets, I'm a vegetarian.
Homer: Still? Then you're not gonna like your other present.
Video Lisa: Why, it's my best friend ... "Maggie."
Video Maggie: Bad news Sheriff ... "Lisa Simpson." Some Indians took all the ... "McNuggets."
(via alexandra-ewing)
Lisa: This broom closet is not what it seems. It's a secret surveillance room guarded by a tiny evil robot!
Homer: Ugh. Is this gonna be like one of those horror movies where we open the door and everything's normal and we think you're crazy, but then there really is a killer robot and the next morning you find me impaled on a weather vane? Is that what this is, Lisa?
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Bart: Cool! Personalized plates. Barclay... Barry... Bert... Bort? Aw, c'mon -- Bort?
Little Boy: Mommy, Mommy! Buy me a license plate!
Mother: No! Come along, Bort.
Man: Are you talking to me?
Mom: No, my son is also named Bort.
Actually written:
Guy: You know how people have hobbies?
Madison (Mary-Kate Olsen): Yeah.
Guy: You're mine.
(to two pregnant teens)
PregGirl'sMom: Here's some milkshakes girls ... give those babies a shot of calcium!
A conversation my friend had with 2 strangers....
(At the bus stop, in 15-degree weather. 2 boys are wearing shorts.)
Friend: Why are you wearing shorts?
Boys: Ask us why we're badass.
Friend: Why are you badass?
Boys: Because we're wearing shorts.
Friend: Okay, fine. Ask me why you're dumbasses.
Boys: Why are we dumbasses?
Friend: Because you're wearing shorts.
Boys: There's a fine line between being a badass and being a dumbass.
Friend: And you've crossed it.
Dakota Fanning will never be older than twelve.
Hugh Laurie is very ...
Yes.
I just ate a bad apple.
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Dad: Are your shoes good? They look ...
(Stares intently at the decay upon them)
Dad: ... leaky.
I just drew the best pile of waffles. Ever.
I’ve been meaning to ask this, because when it happened, I hadn’t been on tumblr for a while (I think): What is formspring?
This may be an ironic post, because from what I gather, formspring is a way to ask people questions on tumblr.
I watched my fourth Mad Men episode, and it seems like Jon Slattery’s character can be broken down into three actions:
1) Furrow brow
2) Say one pseudo-dramatic sentence
3) Profess the need for a drink
Very similar to the formula of Charlotte from Sex and the City, if you replace “pseudo-dramatic” with “five year-old” and “for a drink” with “to...
Maybe it's too soon
alexandra-ewing:
spacejam:
alexandra-ewing:
But has any one realized the real evil mastermind behind the Tonight Show War could be Andy?
Can funny people* still be show-killers?
*NOT a movie reference
I think so. Talented people kill shows all the time. Isn’t the reason Friends was initially a miracle because it brought six show-killers together and somehow made them into a hit?
(My...
To anyone who watches Worst Cooks in America
The obvious:
They first had to compete to be the worst. But being bad at something, often, does not take as much talent as being good at something. So to have an Awful Olympics for cooking … a highly cheat-able situation. If you can call “sucking more” cheating.
Other:
Sucks for the 12 people who got onto the first episode, but were sent home for not being the 12 WORST. So...
Maybe it's too soon
alexandra-ewing:
But has any one realized the real evil mastermind behind the Tonight Show War could be Andy?
I remember thinking when reading that he would be the new announcer that finally there was a show he couldn’t kill. But I was wrong. This makes the fourth consecutive television series Richter has had a major role on to be taken off the air, after Andy Richter Controls the Universe,...
(On collecting placemats from restaurants as a hobby)
Contestant: I see it as an investment.
Alex Trebek: It's good that you look at it that way.
Garmin: Turn left.
Me: But there's a "Do Not Enter" sign there.
Dad: Augh, stupid Garmin doesn't know construction sites ...
(drives past the indicated left turn)
Garmin: Recalculating.
Dad: Augh.
Garmin: Make a U-turn when possible.
Dad: No. It is not possible. (shuts Garmin off)
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Me: You got ice cream on your birthday?
Grandpa: What?
Me: [Grandma] said she gave you ice cream.
Grandpa: Hmm? Oh, maybe. I thought it was yogurt.
Customer: Have you ever noticed that the Yellow Powerade looks like urine?
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(While playing a two-person game of Monopoly)
Grandpa: ... this is not interesting.
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Me: So my friends really liked [my cousin]. My friend added him on facebook.
Grandpa: I saw. [Cousin] joined the Skull and Bones Fraternity.
Me: What?
Grandpa: Your group. Do you have a name?
Me: No.
Grandpa: You can be the Skull and Bones Fraternity.